Chica Van Winkle

My little girl has slept for almost two days. After spending Friday at daycare, she came home and fell asleep while I finished up Season One of The Dog Whisperer. When I was done, I managed to rouse her long enough to go to the mailbox with me to drop them off. It gave us a chance to practice our walking. The mailbox is located on Elmwood Ave and Elmwood freaks her out with all the traffic on it and the people walking around, but we did ok our first time out. I kept her by my side or behind me. There were a few times on our way back that she started to pull, so I just stopped until she calmed down. I think starting next week, when I get back from Syracuse/Albany, I'm going to increase our afternoon route to walking up Ashland, down Bryant to Norwood, down Norwood to Summer, Summer over to Elmwood, Elmwood up to Bryant, Bryant back over to Ashland, and down Ashland to home. That should get us out for close to an hour and will give us a chance to continue to work on our walking. Hopefully by the time Bailey gets here we'll be amazing pack leaders for her.

We did not get out for our walks yesterday. It started raining as I took her out the first time around 8:00 and it was still pouring when we went to bed. I think she was glad for the day off, but I'll get her back out there tonight. Exercise is so important. I want my little girl to feel fulfilled and happy...whether she likes it or not....

It Was So Obvious...So Why Couldn't I Feel It???

Before Cesar even begins to discuss pack leaders, the purpose of the walk or problem solving, he gives you the key to unlocking your new life-and it all comes down to energy.

Alex has always been hyper-aware of the power of energy. He feels it all around him. He can read it, harness it, cleanse it, and transfer it. Unfortunately, he couldn't transfer his knowledge of it to me. I wasn't raised with that sense of awareness and appreciation. I could see the beauty of vast vistas around me, but I couldn't feel it. I looked at the world with my eyes, but only the people I loved in it with my soul. He used to try to get me to lay my hands slightly above things to see if I could feel the energy he felt so easily. It was all very surreal to me and I think he gave up when I expressed only half-hearted interest.

It took my experiences with Peant, my open-ness to Cesar's lessons and the instant results I've seen in Chica to open my eyes. When he spoke of how atuned dogs are to the energy we give off and when I saw what he was saying put into practice on his show, I became eager to learn more and put it into practice. And what better place to practice than on our walks.

When we still had Peanut, I already walked into the house at the end of my work day defeated. I would be tired and want nothing more than to curl up on the couch with the TV, but knowing that I still had a long night ahead of me. I knew that when I walked through the door something was going to be destroyed. I knew he would want to go for a walk and that the walk would take FOREVER because he was going to want to sniff every blade and every tree. He would pee a dozen times and poop at least four times. I knew I had to bring Chica with us and that she was going to make it absolutely miserable. She was going to try to yank me back to the building. She was going to run when I wasn't looking. She was going to get the leashes tangled up. She was going to cry. Peanut was going to growl at anyone that came near him. The giant poodly-looking thing across the street that attacked them was going to be out walking, too. On and on it went-downer after downer after downer. And after I finally got them home I knew I still wasn't going to be able to sit down because I'd either have to go for a run, knowing that despite the walk they'd still howl so loud you'd be able to hear them in the next county, or I'd have to cook dinner, or both. So by the time I'd actually get to the door my shoulders and arms would practically be dragging on the floor and I wouldn't want to go in. I would pray for rain or bitter temperatures-anything that meant I didn't have to do more than take them outside to go to the bathroom. I resented the fact that it all fell on my shoulders, that Alex could come home and pass out on the couch with no responsibilities whatsoever, to be woken up to a hot plate in front of him. Some days I really wanted to be that one.

Eventually, I gave in. I would take them outside and bring Chica back in before taking Peanut for his walk. It was so much better without her. And then one day the strangest thing happened. Peanut and I rounded the corner onto Norwood and there, coming toward us, were Alex and Chica. He said he came home and when he got inside and asked where Mommy and Peanut were she started crying and jumping around and going to the door, so he decided to bring her to meet us. I didn't understand it at all. Why would she walk with him and not with me? They didn't always come meet us and as Peanut began to limp and his limping became more pronounced I'd either take her out first or force her to come with us and put up with her anxiety attacks.

Well, now I know why she wouldn't walk with me. She didn't trust me to lead her. My energy was about as far from calm-assertive as you can get. It was tense, impatient, anxious, frustrated, resigned...just about every negative word you could think of. I didn't want to be there doing this, so why would she?! Alex, on the other-hand, was naturally calm and assertive. I don't know if it's from years of managing others or how he was raised, but she knew that while she couldn't depend on him for much, she could depend on him to walk her safely.

I have a really long way to go. I am not aware of the energy I give off most of the time, but I am always aware of it when I want to take her for a walk or go exploring with her. My head is up, my chest is out, my shoulders are back. I know it's going to be an awesome walk. I know I'm going to love every minute I spend out there with her. I know that if we meet another dog or another person, it's going to be better than okay. And you know what? After one small correction to get her started, she not only walks with me...she walks with me with her tail up and wagging, her ears up and loose and her tongue lollying around. Now, I admit I don't do it EXACTLY as Cesar says yet. I don't make her stay beside me, I let her wander around and smell things. We stop when she wants to and she goes to the bathroom when she wants to. As we draw closer to bringing Bailey home, I want to start instituting the twice daily walks, one of which I want to be structured and I want to work on my energy-awareness because I think it will not only help me with the dogs, but with my marriage and my life at the office as well.

And now my energy is telling me I've run off at the mouth and it's time to join Chica in bed because I have a long day of meetings ahead...

Lessons Learned

Until 2:40 on December 2nd, 2011, this was my family. That's my husband, Alex, on the left, with our daughter, Chica, 9, and me, on the right, with our first born son, Peanut. Alex and I met at a Halloween Party at his house in October 1993. We didn't start dating until just over a year later and on July 15th we'll celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary. We moved in to our large one bedroom apartment in July 1997, following my graduation from Canisius. The first few years I was working days and Alex was working nights, so Friday night date nights were really important to us. We usually went to Ted's on Sheridan drive and to Steve's Wonderful World of Pets afterwards. I liked to look at the puppies and Guinea Pigs, he liked to look at the birds and ferrets.

On the first Friday in November, 2001, for reasons I can no longer remember, we went to Steve's first and our lives changed forever. That night we went from a couple to a family. As usual, we headed for the puppies first, where I would typically stay, while Alex would wander off after a few minutes to look at other things. When we walked up, out in the play area was the cutest little thing I'd ever seen in my life. A little 10 week old Cocker Spaniel who jumped into my arms and started licking my face. And Alex said "Do you want him?" Before I knew it, we were walking out the door with a puppy, crate, bowls, toys, food, a collar, a leash and who knows what else with no idea of what we were getting ourselves in for. We'd never trained a dog and I had to go to work in less than 48 hours. What were we thinking?! I don't know, but I'm soooo glad we did it anyway because I wouldn't have traded a minute of the 10 years and a month we were lucky enough to have him for our very own.

Nine months later, while Peanut celebrated his first birthday in a kennel and getting his first taste of grooming, Alex and I were in Puerto Rico and while we were there, we found him the best birthday present ever! Every morning and evening, when we stopped at a gas station for water or to fill up the car, there was a little puppy sitting by the door, wagging her tail at anyone that went in and out. When she was still there on Friday, Alex scooped her up, dropped her in the car at my feet and we headed to the nearest vet. She had mange and worms and would have been dead before long. The vet estimated she was about 12 weeks old. We brought her home, because obviously impulsive dog adopting has become our new favorite hobby, and for 9 years she and Peanut were inseperable.

Life with two dogs was amazing, especially since Alex works about 60-70 hour a week, but not without its challenges. Chica has some anxiety issues and Peanut had what I thought were authority issues. He hated it when I would go away for a few days and if we took the trash out of the can, but forgot to take it out to the dumpster...we'd come home to find it all over the house. When he'd get upset and we weren't home, he'd become destructive, usually with just my things. When he'd get upset and we were home, he would become aggressive. He was very possessive of me, especially when Alex would come home. And he was very territorial of the apartment. When anyone would come on the floor he would charge the front door and start barking. When I would walk him in the afternoons I would get really nervous when anyone would approach us and would cross the street if we saw another dog. I didn't trust how he would react. And Chica looked to him for everything.

The Summer Peanut was turning 10, his health started to decline. At 6 or 7 he was diagnosed with a mild heart murmur. It didn't really slow him down, except on hot days the Summer he was turning 9. He'd have to stop and rest on some of our walks. The Summer he was turning 10, he started limping on his right rear leg. In August we had a fatty cyst removed and while he was under, they discovered his leg was out of his hip joint and he was bone on bone. He did fine on pain meds for a few months, but in late October or early November he began to lose control of both rear legs and we knew we were running out of time. We hoped for one last Christmas, but it wasn't meant to be.

After Peanut was gone, Chica was lost for a while and so was I. It no longer felt like home without Peanut there, but we didn't know what to do. Alex kept saying Chica was lonely and needs a companion, but I wasn't so sure. Any time we'd tried to bring another dog over for a visit it hadn't gone as I'd wanted. With my brother's Autumn, she snapped at her nose, and with my friend's Risa, she just ignored her or ran away every time Risa would come around. At nearly 10 did I want to put her through the trials of puppyhood? And what did we do if it didn't work out? I'd never be able to get rid of either of them and this place is too small to be a war zone. So we tested the waters and started taking her to daycare on Fridays. They report that she's shy and doesn't really play, but otherwise does fine with the other dogs, so I started looking for a Cocker Spaniel breeder and found an amazing one right in my own back yard.

We learned our lessons with Peanut. When we decided that not only did we want to bring another dog into our lives, but that we wanted that dog to be a Cocker Spaniel, we were determined to do it right this time. We looked at our schedules and decided with all the travel we have planned for this Spring, the best time to bring a puppy home would be in late Summer or early Fall. When Sue accepted us as parents for one of her puppies the first thing I did was order all of Cesar Millan's books and start recording all the episodes of Dog Whisperer I could find. I've also put all the past seasons on my Netflix list and am currently half way through season one.

I have completed two of his books so far, "A Member of the Family" and "How to Raise the Perfect Dog." I am half way through "Cesar's Way." After that, it will be "Be the Pack Leader" and "Cesar's Rules." I have also subscribed to Cesar's Way magazine. In the few short weeks I have been reading these books and watching his show, I have learned so much. I made so many mistakes with Peanut and when I see him again in Heaven I am going to owe him a HUGE apology! I have begun implementing his techniques with Chica and am noticing amazing changes in her. I can now walk her in the afternoons without her pulling my arm off to go back home and I am no longer afraid when we see another dog...and neither is she. On Friday she made friends with a Rottweiler-A ROTTWIELER! and yesterday she made friends with a little dog who couldn't keep his nose out of her butt...and she just ignored it and they ran around a bit together off leash!

In the coming weeks I'll continue to recount our new life as devoted members of Cesar's "Pack" and the wonderful lessons we're learning from him as we continue to work on Chica's anxiety issues and prepare for Bailey's arrival. And once Bailey's here, I'll let you know how it goes as we raise our calm submissive Cocker!